we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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