i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
