I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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