everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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