I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
