When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i think i have two assholes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
