soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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