So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
