Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there's paper in my vomit.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
