That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
