based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize