he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
