My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize