I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
