yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
