I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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