I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize