either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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