he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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