Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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