Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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