I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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