Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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