she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
