farters have to be the big spoon...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
