Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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