So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
