How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
