1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
