dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
