glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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