He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
