Your face is a jimmy john
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
