His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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