the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
