i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
