dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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