Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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