I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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