we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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