i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Your cock deserves a montage
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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