Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
