i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
