He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
