So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
