How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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