wat bout pragnant strippers??
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
