hotel room ftw
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
