You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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