Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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