I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
