He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
