how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize