you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize