my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
