My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
