So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
