I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
