I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
