You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
