your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
