I wanna bring you to show and tell
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
