is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
