What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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