The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
